Factors That Impact The Grief Experience
There are many factors that impact the grief experience. Knowing what is directly impacting You will help you to navigate your personal healing journey in a healthy and healing way. It’s important to keep in mind that this exercise is not a measurement of how much you love your loved one or how much they loved you—it’s for clarity as you heal forward. Additionally, each of your family members had a different relationship with your loved one—and this is another reason why grieving family members feel things differently and remember things differently and sometimes drive each other nuts!
Who Died?
This is a time of sorting out, processing and trying to make sense out of not only what has happened to your loved one—but what has happened to you. Becoming aware of normal factors that impact the grief experience supports healing because it helps us to be honest about what we are dealing with, sorting out, processing, and where we are headed—which is healing. Starting with who died?
- Spouse
- Fiancé
- Child
- Sibling
- Parent
- Partner
- Family Member
- Friend
- Ex-Spouse
The Role Factor
Who died can be different for each member of your family. For example, one family member lost their spouse – for another family member this same loved one is their parent. Or, for one family member this loved one is their sibling and for another family member this same loved one is their child. The role factor is another reason why grieving family members sometimes drive each other nuts!
The Relationship Factor
The relationship that you had with your loved one also factors into your grief experience. What kind of relationship did you share with your loved one? Keep in mind that there is no perfect relationship—so this is not the time to mentally beat yourself up if your relationship wasn’t the best. Acknowledge the past and then focus on what it is that you need to do right now, in the present, to work through what you are feeling, your grief and to heal forward. This is the work of acceptance and integration of the loss into your ongoing life story. Said another way, Your Healing.
If your spouse or life partner died and if you are ready—it’s not too early to begin a mental/written list of the things that you liked about your relationship with your loved one—and all of the things that you did not like about your relationship with your loved one. Be as honest as you can be right now.
Making this list will help you to sort out, process and to prepare for a possible new relationship (if that’s what you want) if it was your spouse or life partner who died—because you will become aware of all the things that you didn’t like about this relationship… All of the things that you do not want to have to deal with again.
Other Factors That Impact Grief
- Sudden Death
- Violent Death—Murder
- Anticipated Death
- Suicide
- Parenting Grieving Children, Teens or Young Adults
- You Were/Are Pregnant At The Time Of Your Spouses Death
- Your Spouse Was Pregnant At The Time Of Her Death
- Multiple Deaths/Losses
- Exhaustion From Caregiving
- Feeling Lost Because Of Lost Job/Responsibility As Caregiver
- Financial Situation
- Age
- Cultural Background
- Physical or Emotional Health
- Auto Accident/Motorcycle Accident
- Drug/Alcohol Related Death
- Good Support System
- Lack of Support System
- Unknown Etiology
- Where There Is No Body
- Close Relationship With Loved One
- Poor/Strained Relationship With Loved One
- Dealing With In-Law Problems
- Unresolved Issues Stemming From Past Losses (Death, Divorce, Job Loss, Abortion, Death of a pet…)
- New Unwanted Role And Responsibility Changes
- Feeling More Relief Than Grief (This is normal and nothing to feel guilty about.)
Other: ________________________________________________________________________
Don’t underestimate or minimize how hard you are working right now. Again, keep in mind that the factors that you are experiencing may not be the same factors that another grieving family member is experiencing—and the intensity and duration of any feelings related to any of these factors is an individual experience, too. Additionally, the role that your loved one played in someone else’s life might be different than the role that your loved one played in your life.
For a deeper dive into different factors that impact the grief experince turn to page 31 in your book, Grieving Forward: Death Happened, Now What? Or Purchase Your Copy Now.
Check out Legacy Connect Family Reorganization After Loss
Linda Pouliot ~ Cobblestone Ministries, LLC