Holiday Traditions After Loss

Holiday Traditions After Loss 

Holiday traditions after loss. What exactly are we supposed to do? Over the years I’ve met many people who desire to keep their holiday traditions the same.  In fact, they have shared with me that doing what they normally do is both meaningful and healing for them.  Sometimes even energizing. However, for many of us, keeping our family holiday traditions the same is too painful. Problems can occur when one or more family members want to keep everything the same and other family members do not. This is a normal grief dynamic that surfaces and plays out because each of us grieves differently. And everyone has a different expectation regarding the holiday.

Starting Point

Grief is pain. Grief is stress. We each have a different way of sorting out and processing not only what has happened to our loved one—but what has happened to us.  Additionally, we each have a different way of perceiving, problem solving, dealing with stress… and each of us has a different life story and a different relationship with the family member who died. The result of all of these differences is that everyone grieves in their own way and on their own healing timetable.  And these are also reasons why grieving family members – and friends – drive each other nuts! The goal needs to be getting everyone involved on board with the plan.

Compromise Is Key

This is when it’s time to set differences aside and negotiate an updated holiday plan that everyone in your family is comfortable with.  Keep in mind too that what you decide to do this year on a holiday may or may not be what you and your family decide to do next year on the same holiday.  Nothing is set in cement. Which means that it can take a few years of trying different things before a sense of normal rhythm and balance returns to the day. The healing news is this.  Holidays can be good again.  Just in a new and different way.

Children And Teenagers

Children and teenagers grieve too.  A child may be excited about an upcoming holiday and expecting everything to be the same or they may be dreading the upcoming holiday.  You need to find out.  Have a family meeting and include all the children and teens involved in the decision-making process regarding which traditions to change and which traditions to keep.  This keeps everyone on the same page and eliminates unmet expectations and more grief for everyone to deal with.

Examples Of Changes You Can Make

• Change were you have the meal. It can be someone else’s turn to host the dinner.
• Change the time the meal is served.
• Change the seating arrangement at the table.
• Have a barbecue instead of your typical holiday meal.
• Serve buffet style rather than your usual sit-down dinner.
• Travel and visit friends and family.
• Dine out.

After you make a list of what you want to change it’s time to make your family holiday plan. Download your free eBook: Navigating The Holidays – Holiday Plan Worksheet Included

We wrote this book for you so that you don’t have to figure out and learn things the hard way like we did.  We include an entire section on Special Days & Holidays.