Healing Does Not Mean Forgetting
One common belief after the death of a close loved one is that healing means forgetting our loved one. This is not true. Healing does not mean forgetting. Because it is not possible to forget someone that we love. What is really going on is that we have moved from having a physical relationship with our loved one to one of memory.
Our brain and heart are in the process of rewiring (rewiring is an actual chemical process in the brain) to a new environment which no longer includes the physical presence our loved one. This is a lot to process!
And at the same time that all of this is happening we are also trying to sort out and process not only what has happened to our loved one – but what has happened to us. Fear that we will forget our loved one – which would be like losing them all over again – is commonly born out of all of this pain and confusion. And an uncertain future.
So, friend, if the thought pops up in your mind that you will forget your loved one – redirect your thinking to the truth. To the fact that this is not possible. Because there is no way that we can forget someone that we love. Remember the memory of your loved one is forever locked in your heart.
Forever Locked in Your Heart
Memories of our loved one are permanently locked inside our heart. Forever. We can retrieve these memories anytime we want to. Additionally, sharing good memories also helps with the healing process. This is why it’s so important to share memories with family members and friends. For example, watch videos of your loved one together. Look through picture albums and reminiscence. Keep in mind that humor and laughter are healing too. That said, feeling guilty the first time you hear yourself laugh is normal, too. Give yourself and everyone else permission to laugh and to have fun again.
No Good Memories?
Perhaps you don’t have any good memories. The healing news is that you are not the only one to experience this and it’s more common than you think. If your loved one had issues with drugs, alcohol or physical or emotional challenges or was difficult to live with or was abusive… Good memories may be scarce. This is okay. Redirect your thinking back to what you need to do for your healing. Note too that Relief is a normal grief response. See Blog: Relief Is A Normal Grief Response And if you feel stuck find a therapist who specializes in grief. Make an appointment and show up. This is all about you healing!
Family Members May Remember the Past Differently
When family members meet together and share memories. Sometimes they remember past memories differently. You may have good memories and someone else may have bad memories. Or, you may have bad memories and someone else has good memories. This is because each of us is a unique individual and each person has a different relationship with the loved one who died. There is no need for alarm. And there is no need for unrest and disagreement. Each person is entitled to their own memories. Stay focused on what you need to do for your healing. Keep in mind too that remembering the past differently is another reason why grieving family members. And friends. Drive each other nuts!
