Grief Is Grief
Mother’s Day can be emotionally painful for those who have lost a child to death. It can also be emotionally painful to those who have lost a child to adoption, abortion or because of drug addiction… Grief is grief. And sometimes we forget, me included, that there are people around us with unspoken stories and unspoken grief who are suffering alone in their grief with silent tears.
Sitting At The Court House
I remember sitting on the cement steps outside of the Livingston County courthouse in Howell, Mi. thirty years ago, crying and unable to go inside. The original plan had been for me to go inside with my daughter’s birthmother, Debbie, when she terminated her rights—in order to be supportive. But, I lost it. Fortunately, Debbie’s parents were with us, too. We had all become one family during that first year after Jessica had been placed in our home through Foster Care. Our adoption is open and we are all still one family—and this was one of our most difficult days.
As I sat on the steps I thought about my son. I couldn’t imagine trusting anyone else to take care of him. I thought about Jessica. I thought about what Debbie must be thinking and the pain she was feeling. I know how much she loves Jessica—and I know how much mental illness has cost her. I understood that Debbie was trusting me with her most precious possession. I also understood that Donald and I would be accountable, not only to God, but to Debbie for how we raised Jessica. The reality and the weight of this day was crushing. When Debbie came out of the courthouse we held each other and cried.
All Mothers Need To Be Honored Today
Those mother’s who have terminated their rights—willingly or unwillingly. Those mother’s who are dealing with the forbidden grief of abortion. Those mother’s who have experienced broken adoptions because one or more of the child’s birth parents changed their mind and their child was returned to the birth parents. Those mother’s who have experienced miscarriage, still birth, the death of child …
Thank You Debbie for giving me and my family the gift of Jessica. And now we get to be Grandma’s together! I love you.
