31 Oct Thinking This Sucks The Holidays Are Coming?
Thinking This Sucks The Holidays Are Coming? You are not alone! We each grieve differently and on our own personal healing timetable. Which means that not everyone feels like this sucks the holidays are coming—but a lot of people do! (I have been known, over the years, as one of the, difficult easy to get along yes, difficult, this sucks the holidays are coming people in my family.) The good news is that this too is normal for grieving and healing. And the great news is that once you understand what’s going on it’s easier to navigate your personal healing journey. What I have learned is that, for all of us, the holidays can be good again, just in a new and different way.
Everybody has a personal story. And everybody has a family story. Part of your ongoing family story is your family holiday story. The comfortable and/or predictable way that you fit into your family holiday story no longer is. And everyone in your family, including you, are now in the process of figuring out the holidays without your loved one—even if you and other family members are feeling a sense of relief because the holidays will now be peaceful because your loved one had issues that stressed your family holiday situation or your loved one was just plain difficult to get along with…
The majority of the time the anticipation and the anxiety that we experience leading up to the day is worse than the day actual brings. It is also normal to feel more tired over the holidays. The reality is that you are doing the hard work of grief. Part of your grief work is figuring out who you are on these days without your loved one.
Every year the anticipation of each holiday—and what you want to do on each holiday will be different because you will be in a different spot in your personal healing journey. For example, this year our house is on the market which means we will be celebrating the holidays for the last time in this house. One of my children has asked that we make a big change this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of having Thanksgiving with the entire family and extended family, the request is for just me and my children and their families, their stepdad, and Grandma and Grandpa to attend. The yearning is for things to be more like the way they were when their dad was alive. So this is what we are going to do—and we are sixteen years out from the death date. Extra grief work this year because we are saying goodbye to our house too!
So where can you learn about how the holidays can be good again just in a different way?
Next Saturday, November 7, 2015 I will be at Chilson Hills Church in Howell, MI. The workshop is Understanding Holiday Change You Didn’t Ask For After The Death Of A Loved One. It is tuition free and it is from 9:00 AM to 11:00 AM. Registration is not required.
Tom Lampert will be presenting with me. Tom’s first wife died 15 years ago right after Christmas—leaving him with four children under the age of eight. The baby was only a couple weeks old…
It doesn’t matter if your loss was recent or a long time ago. Join me and Tom and learn about Rumbling With Grief During The Holidays And Not Only Surviving But Healing….