27 Feb Grieving and Healing: Avoid the Potholes



Grieving and healing is a process. This process includes normal grief experiences that have emotional pitfall and pothole potential.  Unfortunately, these experiences are known for their ability to hold a griever emotionally hostage or for just making the grieving and healing journey more difficult. Once you know what they are it’s easier to avoid landing in a pothole.

Find yourself on the list below.  I am:


  • Feeling Overwhelmed.


  • Experiencing Lack Of Support.


  • Frustrated With The Way Others Respond or Don’t Respond.


  • Experiencing Disbelief Because Family Members and/or Friends Are Refusing To Talk About the Death.


  • Part Of A Group Of Multiple Family Members Living Under One Roof That Are All Grieving Differently—And Getting On Each Other’s Nerves.


  • Stuffing Negative Emotions.


  • Treating My Personal Grief As A “Forbidden Grief” And Not Sharing My Sorrow, Due To Perceived Stigma Related To The Type Of Death.


  • Now Alone—And Very Lonely.


  • Dealing With In-Law Problems.


  • Trying To Adjust To New Responsibilities And Role Changes. (The More Roles And Functions Your Loved One Filled The More Secondary Loss You Will Likely Feel. The Short List:  Best Friend, Companion, Lover, Accountant, Handyman, Co-Parent, Chef, Social Secretary, Travel Coordinator…)


  • Feeling Lost Because I Have Lost My Role As Caregiver and/or My Role As An Active Parent.


  • Dealing With The Emotional Stress Of Learning How To Parent Alone.


  • Dealing With Children Who Are Acting Out In Grief.


  • Managing Financial Problems.


  • Finding Ways To Avoid Or Numb My Pain. (Constantly On The Go And Busy.  Alcohol or Drug Abuse…)


  • Using My Grief To Manipulate Family Members Or Friends.

You Got This!

Your grieving and healing list may be different than my grieving and healing list.  Everyone’s list is different because each of us is different.  The result is that we all go about grieving and healing in our own way.  Sometimes healthy and sometimes not so healthy.  And there isn’t a perfect way to do grieving and healing. The great news is that if you happen to land in a pothole you don’t have to stay stuck.  Develop a new goal/plan and get started. Climb out and keep grieving and healing forward.   A good grief support group is helpful, too.  Check with your local churches for the nearest support group.  It doesn’t matter how long ago the death occurred… Find a good therapist if you are unable to heal forward. 

Check Out page 67 in the Book:

Grieving Forward: Death Happened, Now What? A Practical Guide for Healing & Understanding the Grief Process 


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