18 Dec Fired Up
Fired Up! Some days I just wonder… Let me back up and give you the backstory first. One of my goals after moving to Fort Gratiot was to get to know as many people as possible. I want to hear everyone’s life story and learn about their goals and dreams—and not just what they want for themselves, but what they are working on related to the one’s that they love. One result of this quest is that I have a lot of fast food drive through worker friends.
Today as I was chatting with one of these buddies, who is also a foster mom, I found out that she will be able to adopt the foster baby that she is caring for after the first of the year. Yahoo! Now we get to the some days I just wonder part.
She told me that both the agency worker and adoption worker told her that she should not tell this child that she is adopted until she is nine years old. What? This nonsense seems to cycle around every ten years. I don’t know what these workers are thinking. The research does not even support this. One does not have to wonder why the foster/adoption system is one hot mess, but why not with this type of misinformation being presented by those who should know better.
Fired up me told my friend that she will have to decide what she will do. However, I think this is one of the dumbest you know what ideas ever. Based on my own experience, that of others, and research. The result of this type of omission (lie), in most cases, is broken trust between parent and child—and pretending that your child’s story is other than what it is can hijack parenting to the point of losing relationship with your child during the teenage years. From the child’s point of view, the following needs to be considered. What else have you lied about? Why should I believe anything else that you tell me?
There are healthy ways to incorporate your child’s adoption story into their ongoing life story—honoring who they are. Parenting is about building relationship in a healthy way. There are ways to get children to understand that it is not their fault that they ended up in foster care and that they are a blessing to you and your family. Some days I just wonder…